My trip is now paid for. And yet again I have a good story about it.  

First – this is what I had written at 6:30pm on Monday night:

I only have $840 to go!  $340 needed by the 6pm service this Sunday 10/28 (yes, they were that specific), and then $500 by 11/18.  I don’t know why I doubt God when He always takes care of these trips for me.  Typing that sentence I am convicted because I didn’t leave it with, “always takes care of me.”  I was specific in how I perceive God providing for me. I believe he has taken care of my mission trips in the past.  But do I believe that He really takes care of me in every way and all the time?  Possible future blog topic.

There is no update to the unexplained fudge on my apartment door.  I do not believe someone is out to poison me. I also do not believe it was a surprise from a friend, as few people know where I live (Hospitality is not one of my official Spiritual Gifts.) Therefore, the only logically explanation is that somebody got the wrong door and meant to poison my neighbor.  Ha!  

I am thinking about considering possibly maybe blogging about my efforts to spend some time alone with God each day (in the Southern Baptist world, this is Having a Quiet Time. I do think people can be legalistic about QTs.  I don’t want to do something because “good” Christians do it. Or to check something off a To Do list.  Or so I can tell my mentor that I had one.  But I do want to hear from God.  

I’m jealous because God talks to my bf Kevin.   (When I typed boyfriend I felt like I was in 7^th grade, so I changed it to “bf” because that sounds SO much mature, right?)  God told Kevin not too long ago to buy me a laptop.  When all he wanted to do was pick up some toilet paper at Walmart.  When he said, "Hey boy," (that’s how God addresses him), "put down the toilet paper and go look at the computers," it was about much more than God telling him to be generous and thoughtful.    It was God telling Kevin to put his money where his mouth was.  Because having your girlfriend go on a mission trip right on top of our first Christmas together…when he had fun plans for us to visit our families together, participate in my annual nursing home caroling event, go to a Christmas Eve service together, watch my niece and nephew and his kids unwrap presents…well, that’s hard to hear.  And although Kevin told me he was fine with it, God knew he was harboring some resentment.  So as he weighed the benefits of Charmin versus Cottonelle, God said, "Boy, if you say you love her, you will support her 100% percent, with your words and your heart."  He also said, "Boy, if you love ME the way you say you do, you will WANT her to go on this trip."

He knew my ancient desktop had died recently, and I was trying to raise money for this trip but needed a computer, too.  So after trying to ignore God, which is pretty much impossible, he gave up and obediently proceeded to the electronics department and bought me a brand new laptop.  It was his way of telling me...and God...I am “all in” with this.

I wish God spoke as tangibly to me.  But it probably helps that Kevin dedicates a good amount of time to studying the Bible and praying.  So what’s holding me up?  Why do I see it as a chore?  Why do I feel like even if I did dedicate that time to God I wouldn’t hear from him?

I started the book, Anything, by Jennie Allen last night. She talks about saying to God, what do you want from me?  I’ll do anything.  What do you want me to let go of, do, give up, change?  And how praying that prayer changed her life.  As I walked into work this morning I told God, I want to pray that, but I’m not even sure if you are listening.  Are you real?     

So that’s what I had written at 6:30pm on Monday night.

At 7pm God was real to me.

At 7pm the rest of my mission trip was paid for, in one lump sum from a completely unexpected source.  So unexpected that I really feel like it was God sending me a message.  Not just that he will always take care of my needs. But it was Him saying, hey, don’t doubt I’m here.  Don’t doubt I’m going to use you.   I see you.  And with that confirmation came a kick in the pants.  I had been feeling like God is mildly disappointed in me the majority of the time.  Like he says, Seriously, Laura?  You haven’t progressed any further as a Christian?  And I’ve been feeling like he was going to finally get fed up and teach me an unpleasant lesson.  But like Jon Acuff says in a recent blogpost, what kind of God am I imagining?  One that is just sitting back waiting for me to screw up again and then smite me while saying, See? I told you to obey me. 

But no, he gave me a kick in the pants in the kindest, most loving way.  With that that check for $1000, he showed me, I’m going to use you, and you need to be prepared. Don’t keep wasting your time.  I have things for you to do.